mental-health – SISTA, WATCH FOR THE HOOK

“Even if you are not ready for the day, it cannot always be night”.

-Ms. Gwendolyn Brooks

Life can be very interesting…

I’m learning that in this thing we call life.

It is important to hold space for those who hold space for you.

There have been some bumps on the road with learning this aspect of my journey.

Particularly, when it comes to the older generation.

As someone who was raised by my grandmother and grandfather, there were certain things that I was taught.

Especially, when it comes to respect.

A lot of things that my grandmother and grandfather instilled in me have helped me in so many ways.

For that, I am eternally grateful.

However, if I’m totally honest.

Even though the older generation has an amazing work ethic of resistance.

I must say that I did not realize that under the weight of resistance, there was a lot of hurt and pain.

Like blackberry molasses.

For my grandparents, they loved to go to the local blues festivals.

I guess maybe interestingly them listening to the blues seemed like a way to get rid of the blues.

Music has the ability to do that.

Little Milton said it best.

Hey, hey, the blues is alright…lol

Now, that I think about it.

It was quite a genius idea to utilize music as therapy.

Especially since therapy was kinda looked down upon in certain areas of the South.

But back to the subject at hand.

It just so happened that I came across an episode of Porsha’s Family Matters.

For those who are not familiar.

Porsha is the grandaughter of Hosea Williams.

In one episode, the family went on a trip to Mexico that could be considered a healing retreat.

At a certain point during the episode, they were asked if there was anything they wished to let go of.

The thing that stood out to me the most was when Porsha’s Aunt Liz spoke.

Ms. Liz spoke about how she wanted to release all those ghosts of the civil rights movement.

Ms. Liz wanted to delete all the lynchings, the shadows, the beatings.

The things she dreamed about that were done to her people.

Ms. Liz said she wanted to let it go so she could find out who she was.

When Ms. Liz spoke those words.

I had not realized until that moment that despite my grandmother and her generation’s strength they had trauma as well.

It never occurred to me that they had to utilize certain coping techniques to deal with the unresolved trauma they had experienced.

I owe the older generation an apology.

As life has shown me.

You can always say what you would and wouldn’t do.

That is until a particular life situation shows up and asks you if your ass is ready to cash that check.

I wasn’t.

I was like Oda Mae Brown.

Now, don’t get me wrong.

I’m a lady who does not mind giving props when it is due.

I must say that the old-school generation definitely deserves its props.

The tenacity to take on K-9 dogs.

The tenacity to link arms together as they were sprayed with water hoses was no small feat.

If you were to go with the narrative that has been put out there concerning people who have been classified as black.

I say it’s about time to start having our own pep rallies.

Making sure to continue to speak love, kindness, joy, and grace over ourselves.

It is time.

With that being said.

I also must acknowledge and ask certain questions.

Questions such as :

Did SNCC training also provide debriefing services?

2. Did the SNCC training of allowing someone to intentionally disrespect still have lingering effects long after “the movement” was over?

To put it more bluntly:

3. Does SNCC-type training have a hand in teaching “black” people to be more subservient to individuals classified as white?

4. If so in what ways?

5. If so does SNCC-type training still affect “black” and “white” social interactions in modern times?

6. If so in what ways?

With that last question. I must say it affected the communication style between my grandmother and me when we discussed certain subject matters.

Speaking for myself.

I think that maybe that is one of the reasons why speaking on race can be such a “taboo” conversational piece.

There is nothing sweet about it.

Race can be such a complex matter that can bring up complex emotions and then when you have two different generations it can make it even more complex.

Especially if the root issue is not properly addressed.

There is a part in the process where if you are not careful.

You can forget to acknowledge those who have held the space for you to be able to come through.

It’s like you have to almost literally step back and make a conscious decision.

The decision that you will not allow people who get off on traumatizing others to affect the meaningful relationships in your life.

It did not occur to me until I listened to Ms. Liz talk about her trauma, that I looked at the perspective that maybe my grandmother was speaking from a traumatized state when it came to “race” relations.

Especially, when the subject of forgiveness would come up.

I didn’t realize that some of the advice my grandmother would give regarding “race” relations had a fear element attached to it.

That also was rapped in survival mode.

It was kinda hard for me to accept the double standard of forgiveness concept.

I do not believe that when it comes to my culture of “my people” I should hold them accountable.

Yet, when it came to another group (that has a history as well as a mindset of purposely causing harm) somehow I was supposed to provide THEM with grace and forgiveness.

I’m more of a Rick Ross type when it comes to certain actions of disrespect.

Unfortunately, you have certain mindsets that are habitual line steppers who like to push it to the limit.

However, now I realize that when you are not raised in a culture that is taught to traumatize others.

It can be kind of confusing when interacting or dealing with those who are.

I think it is important to realize and start making the distinction that there are cultures that know that traumatizing others is not their natural element.

Thank goodness for the balancers in life.