One of the many great things about “black” people is that they are not afraid to give other cultures their props.
“However, there does come a time when you have To give yourself your own pep rallies. Even if the props are sold separately.”
-DaSh’e
Also, don’t forget that Amazon is also the name of A melanated warrior women’s tribe.
Greatness comes in many forms. – C. V.
“Let us be reminded that before there is a final solution, there must be a first solution, a second one, even a third. The move toward a final solution is not a jump. It takes one step, then another, then another.” – Ms. Toni Morrison
I believe that in light of Simone Biles recent headlines, it’s important to take advantage of this teachable moment.
With so many moving goalposts when it comes to the melanated woman in regards to skin tone, hair, hair texture, and dating among other things.
I feel it is important that melanated women do not internalize the stereotypes or narratives that disempower them.
I feel that in certain aspects, we must check to make sure that we are not holding ourselves to a higher standard but not the same higher respect.
I’ve noticed how certain narratives are put out concerning “black” women and marriage.
I’m also noticing how the goalposts are moved when other realities are shown that counter certain narratives concerning “black” women.
It also seems that there is a moving of the goalpost when it comes to “black” love.
Which sometimes comes across as if “black” love is not being authentically celebrated in certain aspects.
It seems that certain married melanated women are placed under a microscope.
A microscope that shows how some people think that marriage should be reserved for a certain “type” of woman.
Even when it comes to looks.
You know beauty is not owned.
Right?
Very good…in the words of Tabitha Brown…lol
However, we still have to address some of the things that we are shown.
It’s interesting how instead of these women being celebrated to show that there are a plethora of different types of melanated women with different personality types as well as different looks.
As well as the different types of men who appreciate the diversity of melanated women and all that it entails.
It seems to be a hook.
The hook is :
Black women have a hard time getting married. Black women are having a hard time dating. Black women are “single”…
Certain individuals act as if getting married, dating, or single is not universal…lol
Yet, we see different types of melanated women getting married, dating, and engaging in companionship every day.
It seems as if the hook is also connected to trying to make a woman feel that her value is connected to whether she is married or not.
That would probably be another subject matter.
However, we must get to the root of the matter.
If we are totally honest.
How many times have we seen women like :
Tiny Tameka Foster Lateasha “Sweet Tea” Lunceford
And now
Simone Biles
Being maligned and talked about in harmful ways instead of being celebrated for how they can counter the negative maze.
I think it is important with the latest situation with Simone Biles.
To ask if Simone Biles is low-key being “shamed” for a statement that HER HUSBAND DECIDED to make.
I am not sure what it is about melanated gymnasts and the negative narratives around their hair instead of their amazing athletic abilities.
So, for me due to seeing countless situations of how even with young melanated girls the goalposts are moved especially concerning their hair.
Example:
If a young melanated girl focuses on her hair she is being “fast” or too “grown”.
Yet, if she isn’t they ask why they not doing her hair at home.
So, yes it is really hard for me to not see the underlying element that is at play.
Especially when older women are commenting in a negative way.
This also entails discussing if some of the older women are participating in the unbalanced shaming of young melanated women.
I feel like the unbalanced shaming is one of the many contributing factors to the divide between young women and older women.
I believe it is crucial for young women with melanin who are receptive to guidance to have access to balanced advice.
Older women can be a valuable source of such guidance for our young melanated women.
Only the wise ones…
Only the wise ones…lol.
Now, back to the element of the moving goalposts.
It seems that now that Simone Biles (as well as many others) have countered the “single” black woman narrative.
Now there seems to be another goalpost.
Dissecting on how/why she “got” married.
It’s important to be aware of the different narratives and standards that are placed on us, especially as melanated women .
We need to make sure that we are not internalizing these harmful ideas and that we are not holding ourselves to unfair or unrealistic standards.
It’s also important to recognize when others are applying standards to us that they don’t even apply to themselves.
By being aware and proactive, we can empower ourselves and each other to break down these barriers and move forward with confidence and self-love.
“Even if you are not ready for the day, it cannot always be night”.
-Ms. Gwendolyn Brooks
Life can be very interesting…
I’m learning that in this thing we call life.
It is important to hold space for those who hold space for you.
There have been some bumps on the road with learning this aspect of my journey.
Particularly, when it comes to the older generation.
As someone who was raised by my grandmother and grandfather, there were certain things that I was taught.
Especially, when it comes to respect.
A lot of things that my grandmother and grandfather instilled in me have helped me in so many ways.
For that, I am eternally grateful.
However, if I’m totally honest.
Even though the older generation has an amazing work ethic of resistance.
I must say that I did not realize that under the weight of resistance, there was a lot of hurt and pain.
Like blackberry molasses.
For my grandparents, they loved to go to the local blues festivals.
I guess maybe interestingly them listening to the blues seemed like a way to get rid of the blues.
Music has the ability to do that.
Little Milton said it best.
Hey, hey, the blues is alright…lol
Now, that I think about it.
It was quite a genius idea to utilize music as therapy.
Especially since therapy was kinda looked down upon in certain areas of the South.
But back to the subject at hand.
It just so happened that I came across an episode of Porsha’s Family Matters.
For those who are not familiar.
Porsha is the grandaughter of Hosea Williams.
In one episode, the family went on a trip to Mexico that could be considered a healing retreat.
At a certain point during the episode, they were asked if there was anything they wished to let go of.
The thing that stood out to me the most was when Porsha’s Aunt Liz spoke.
Ms. Liz spoke about how she wanted to release all those ghosts of the civil rights movement.
Ms. Liz wanted to delete all the lynchings, the shadows, the beatings.
The things she dreamed about that were done to her people.
Ms. Liz said she wanted to let it go so she could find out who she was.
When Ms. Liz spoke those words.
I had not realized until that moment that despite my grandmother and her generation’s strength they had trauma as well.
It never occurred to me that they had to utilize certain coping techniques to deal with the unresolved trauma they had experienced.
I owe the older generation an apology.
As life has shown me.
You can always say what you would and wouldn’t do.
That is until a particular life situation shows up and asks you if your ass is ready to cash that check.
I wasn’t.
I was like Oda Mae Brown.
Now, don’t get me wrong.
I’m a lady who does not mind giving props when it is due.
I must say that the old-school generation definitely deserves its props.
The tenacity to take on K-9 dogs.
The tenacity to link arms together as they were sprayed with water hoses was no small feat.
If you were to go with the narrative that has been put out there concerning people who have been classified as black.
I say it’s about time to start having our own pep rallies.
Making sure to continue to speak love, kindness, joy, and grace over ourselves.
It is time.
With that being said.
I also must acknowledge and ask certain questions.
Questions such as :
Did SNCC training also provide debriefing services?
2. Did the SNCC training of allowing someone to intentionally disrespect still have lingering effects long after “the movement” was over?
To put it more bluntly:
3. Does SNCC-type training have a hand in teaching “black” people to be more subservient to individuals classified as white?
4. If so in what ways?
5. If so does SNCC-type training still affect “black” and “white” social interactions in modern times?
6. If so in what ways?
With that last question. I must say it affected the communication style between my grandmother and me when we discussed certain subject matters.
Speaking for myself.
I think that maybe that is one of the reasons why speaking on race can be such a “taboo” conversational piece.
There is nothing sweet about it.
Race can be such a complex matter that can bring up complex emotions and then when you have two different generations it can make it even more complex.
Especially if the root issue is not properly addressed.
There is a part in the process where if you are not careful.
You can forget to acknowledge those who have held the space for you to be able to come through.
It’s like you have to almost literally step back and make a conscious decision.
The decision that you will not allow people who get off on traumatizing others to affect the meaningful relationships in your life.
It did not occur to me until I listened to Ms. Liz talk about her trauma, that I looked at the perspective that maybe my grandmother was speaking from a traumatized state when it came to “race” relations.
Especially, when the subject of forgiveness would come up.
I didn’t realize that some of the advice my grandmother would give regarding “race” relations had a fear element attached to it.
That also was rapped in survival mode.
It was kinda hard for me to accept the double standard of forgiveness concept.
I do not believe that when it comes to my culture of “my people” I should hold them accountable.
Yet, when it came to another group (that has a history as well as a mindset of purposely causing harm) somehow I was supposed to provide THEM with grace and forgiveness.
I’m more of a Rick Ross type when it comes to certain actions of disrespect.
Unfortunately, you have certain mindsets that are habitual line steppers who like to push it to the limit.
However, now I realize that when you are not raised in a culture that is taught to traumatize others.
It can be kind of confusing when interacting or dealing with those who are.
I think it is important to realize and start making the distinction that there are cultures that know that traumatizing others is not their natural element.
Thank goodness for the balancers in life.
With that being said.
Since we are in serious times of effective long-standing solutions.
I think that Civil Rights Therapy would be an amazing concept to explore and implement.
Even if you’re looking for a humorous reference point, you might want to watch Astronomy Club: Magical Negro Rehab.
I believe that Civil Rights Therapy could serve as a powerful catalyst for bringing generations together.
I also think that Civil Rights Therapy would also create a safe space for the older generation.
A safe space where the older generation can process.
Process what they have gone through as well as process the things they want to get out.
SISTA, WATCH FOR THE HOOK 
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