â You were NEVER supposed to be an outlet for the frustrations of cruel abusive people.â
Remember That.
-DaShâe
It’s Time.
-DaSh’e
1313
AMHWJBO
Category: Women, Healing,Hip-Hop, Melanated Therapy, Melanated Healing,
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I believe that in light of Simone Biles recent headlines, it’s important to take advantage of this teachable moment.
With so many moving goalposts when it comes to the melanated woman in regards to skin tone, hair, hair texture, and dating among other things.
I feel it is important that melanated women do not internalize the stereotypes or narratives that disempower them.
I feel that in certain aspects, we must check to make sure that we are not holding ourselves to a higher standard but not the same higher respect.
I’ve noticed how certain narratives are put out concerning “black” women and marriage.
I’m also noticing how the goalposts are moved when other realities are shown that counter certain narratives concerning “black” women.
It also seems that there is a moving of the goalpost when it comes to “black” love.
Which sometimes comes across as if “black” love is not being authentically celebrated in certain aspects.
It seems that certain married melanated women are placed under a microscope.
A microscope that shows how some people think that marriage should be reserved for a certain “type” of woman.
Even when it comes to looks.
You know beauty is not owned.
Right?
Very good…in the words of Tabitha Brown…lol
However, we still have to address some of the things that we are shown.
It’s interesting how instead of these women being celebrated to show that there are a plethora of different types of melanated women with different personality types as well as different looks.
As well as the different types of men who appreciate the diversity of melanated women and all that it entails.
It seems to be a hook.
The hook is :
Black women have a hard time getting married.
Black women are having a hard time dating.
Black women are “single”âĶ
Certain individuals act as if getting married, dating, or single is not universalâĶlol
Yet, we see different types of melanated women getting married, dating, and engaging in companionship every day.It seems as if the hook is also connected to trying to make a woman feel that her value is connected to whether she is married or not.
That would probably be another subject matter.
However, we must get to the root of the matter.
If we are totally honest.
How many times have we seen women like :
Tiny
Tameka Foster
Lateasha “Sweet Tea” LuncefordAnd now
Simone Biles
Being maligned and talked about in harmful ways instead of being celebrated for how they can counter the negative maze.
I think it is important with the latest situation with Simone Biles.
To ask if Simone Biles is low-key being “shamed” for a statement that HER HUSBAND DECIDED to make.
I am not sure what it is about melanated gymnasts and the negative narratives around their hair instead of their amazing athletic abilities.
So, for me due to seeing countless situations of how even with young melanated girls the goalposts are moved especially concerning their hair.
Example:
If a young melanated girl focuses on her hair she is being “fast” or too “grown”.
Yet, if she isn’t they ask why they not doing her hair at home.
So, yes it is really hard for me to not see the underlying element that is at play.
Especially when older women are commenting in a negative way.
This also entails discussing if some of the older women are participating in the unbalanced shaming of young melanated women.
I feel like the unbalanced shaming is one of the many contributing factors to the divide between young women and older women.
I believe it is crucial for young women with melanin who are receptive to guidance to have access to balanced advice.
Older women can be a valuable source of such guidance for our young melanated women.
Only the wise onesâĶ
Only the wise onesâĶlol.
Now, back to the element of the moving goalposts.
It seems that now that Simone Biles (as well as many others) have countered the “single” black woman narrative.
Now there seems to be another goalpost.
Dissecting on how/why she “got” married.
It’s important to be aware of the different narratives and standards that are placed on us, especially as melanated women .
We need to make sure that we are not internalizing these harmful ideas and that we are not holding ourselves to unfair or unrealistic standards.
It’s also important to recognize when others are applying standards to us that they don’t even apply to themselves.
By being aware and proactive, we can empower ourselves and each other to break down these barriers and move forward with confidence and self-love.
Remember : A rose is still a rose.
We been worthy.
Dipped In Love,
Written and Conceived
DaShâe
1313
AMHWJBO
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“Even if you are not ready for the day, it cannot always be night”.â
-Ms. Gwendolyn Brooks
Life can be very interesting…
I’m learning that in this thing we call life.
It is important to hold space for those who hold space for you.
There have been some bumps on the road with learning this aspect of my journey.
Particularly, when it comes to the older generation.
As someone who was raised by my grandmother and grandfather, there were certain things that I was taught.
Especially, when it comes to respect.
A lot of things that my grandmother and grandfather instilled in me have helped me in so many ways.
For that, I am eternally grateful.
However, if I’m totally honest.
Even though the older generation has an amazing work ethic of resistance.
I must say that I did not realize that under the weight of resistance, there was a lot of hurt and pain.
Like blackberry molasses.
For my grandparents, they loved to go to the local blues festivals.
I guess maybe interestingly them listening to the blues seemed like a way to get rid of the blues.
Music has the ability to do that.
Little Milton said it best.
Hey, hey, the blues is alright…lol
Now, that I think about it.
It was quite a genius idea to utilize music as therapy.
Especially since therapy was kinda looked down upon in certain areas of the South.
But back to the subject at hand.
It just so happened that I came across an episode of Porsha’s Family Matters.
For those who are not familiar.
Porsha is the grandaughter of Hosea Williams.
In one episode, the family went on a trip to Mexico that could be considered a healing retreat.
At a certain point during the episode, they were asked if there was anything they wished to let go of.
The thing that stood out to me the most was when Porsha’s Aunt Liz spoke.
Ms. Liz spoke about how she wanted to release all those ghosts of the civil rights movement.
Ms. Liz wanted to delete all the lynchings, the shadows, the beatings.
The things she dreamed about that were done to her people.
Ms. Liz said she wanted to let it go so she could find out who she was.
When Ms. Liz spoke those words.
I had not realized until that moment that despite my grandmother and her generation’s strength they had trauma as well.
It never occurred to me that they had to utilize certain coping techniques to deal with the unresolved trauma they had experienced.
I owe the older generation an apology.
As life has shown me.
You can always say what you would and wouldn’t do.
That is until a particular life situation shows up and asks you if your ass is ready to cash that check.
I wasn’t.
I was like Oda Mae Brown.
Now, don’t get me wrong.
I’m a lady who does not mind giving props when it is due.
I must say that the old-school generation definitely deserves its props.
The tenacity to take on K-9 dogs.
The tenacity to link arms together as they were sprayed with water hoses was no small feat.
If you were to go with the narrative that has been put out there concerning people who have been classified as black.
I say it’s about time to start having our own pep rallies.
Making sure to continue to speak love, kindness, joy, and grace over ourselves.
It is time.
With that being said.
I also must acknowledge and ask certain questions.
Questions such as :
- Did SNCC training also provide debriefing services?
2. Did the SNCC training of allowing someone to intentionally disrespect still have lingering effects long after “the movement” was over?
To put it more bluntly:
3. Does SNCC-type training have a hand in teaching “black” people to be more subservient to individuals classified as white?
4. If so in what ways?
5. If so does SNCC-type training still affect “black” and “white” social interactions in modern times?
6. If so in what ways?
With that last question. I must say it affected the communication style between my grandmother and me when we discussed certain subject matters.
Speaking for myself.
I think that maybe that is one of the reasons why speaking on race can be such a “taboo” conversational piece.
There is nothing sweet about it.
Race can be such a complex matter that can bring up complex emotions and then when you have two different generations it can make it even more complex.
Especially if the root issue is not properly addressed.
There isâa part in the process where if you are not careful.
You can forget to acknowledge those who have held the space for you to be able to come through.
It’s like you have to almost literally step back and make a conscious decision.
The decision that you will not allow people who get off on traumatizing others to affect the meaningful relationships in your life.
It did not occur to me until I listened to Ms. Liz talk about her trauma, that I looked at the perspective that maybe my grandmother was speaking from a traumatized state when it came to “race” relations.
Especially, when the subject of forgiveness would come up.
I didn’t realize that some of the advice my grandmother would give regarding “race” relations had a fear element attached to it.
That also was rapped in survival mode.
It was kinda hard for me to accept the double standard of forgiveness concept.
I do not believe that when it comes to my culture of “my people” I should hold them accountable.
Yet, when it came to another group (that has a history as well as a mindset of purposely causing harm) somehow I was supposed to provide THEM with grace and forgiveness.
I’m more of a Rick Ross type when it comes to certain actions of disrespect.
Unfortunately, you have certain mindsets that are habitual line steppers who like to push it to the limit.
However, now I realize that when you are not raised in a culture that is taught to traumatize others.
It can be kind of confusing when interacting or dealing with those who are.
I think it is important to realize and start making the distinction that there are cultures that know that traumatizing others is not their natural element.
Thank goodness for the balancers in life.
With that being said.
Since we are in serious times of effective long-standing solutions.
I think that Civil Rights Therapy would be an amazing concept to explore and implement.
Even if you’re looking for a humorous reference point, you might want to watch Astronomy Club: Magical Negro Rehab.
I believe that Civil Rights Therapy could serve as a powerful catalyst for bringing generations together.
I also think that Civil Rights Therapy would also create a safe space for the older generation.
A safe space where the older generation can process.
Process what they have gone through as well as process the things they want to get out.
It’s Time.
Smile.
Written and Conceived
And
Dipped In Love,
DaShâe
1313
AMHWJBO
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I just got through watching the latest episode of Love& Marriage: Huntsville.
I feel shows like Love & Marriage: Huntsville has a unique way of addressing or at least bringing the conversation forth in regards to certain dynamics that can come into play.
Especially down south.
I also think depending on where your mind is set is what you can get out of a TV set.
In a way, I can see how some shows might not be your realityâĶ
However, some shows might be able to provide insight into someone else’s.
With that being said, I can admit I had some reservations about Tiffany’s character (on the show)âĶ
Or I might just have an issue with her last name âĶlol.
Who knows?
However, with the latest episode (as of this writing) of Season 6 Of Love& Marriage: Huntsville.
I can say that Tiffany allowed me to see a different perspective.
I think that Tiffany had a very interesting way of showing how colorism doesn’t just affect chocolate women it also can have effects on lighter-skinned women as well as bi-racial women.
Even when it comes to dating.
Sometimes. you have certain types of males who just LOVE to taste all the different colors of the rainbowâĶ
Just straight-up buffet style.
Sometimes, these types of guys will tell each color different things depending on the color he is talking to.
Sometimes, that particular color of the rainbow thinks that they are the ONLY color on the rainbow.
Depending on the circumstances, that particular color eventually finds out that this particular type of male has been tasting and READING ALL OF THE RAINBOWSâĶ.lol
Sometimes, when it comes to colorism it doesn’t just show up in dating.
It can rear its head in different aspects of society as well.
One of the many issues of colorism is not only does it divides women.
It seems like colorism can also cause a type of shock to certain types of bi-racial women and certain types of lighter-skinned women of a particular mindset.
Sometimes, when we as a society play the game of trying to place a certain type of woman over another with the intent to cause division.
Those same women that society attempted to put down, show that they will not allow anyone to dictate their provision.
That they will continue their mission.
For some, it causes shock waves.
Sidenote: I’ve also noticed the colorism dynamic on the show The Real Housewives Of Potomac.
However, that will be a separate writing piece.
AnywhooâĶ
Back to the colorism dynamic on Love & Marriage: Huntsville.
I think Tiffany had a unique way of showing that trying to use another woman of a different hue as a coping mechanism is not cool.
As Season 6 has progressed.
I think that Stormi was able to place a mirror in front of Tiffany.
To show Tiffany that she has to deal with her own internal issues first.
I also think Stormi was able to navigate her conversations with Tiffany in a way that made Tiffany realize that it was something within herself she needed to address instead of trying to scapegoat KeKe.
I also think that KeKe (in her own way) was able to set boundaries with Tiffany to make sure that Tiffany knew that it was not okay to use her as a scapegoat.
With this latest episode of LMH, I think that this episode was able to add another piece to the colorism conversation.
One of those pieces is how we as a society play a part in trying to gaslight bi-racial and lighter-skinned women as well.
By moving the goalpost.
You may ask what is the goalpost?
The goalpost is that if a woman looks a certain way or has a certain hair texture she will get treated better.
However, in certain realities regardless of a woman’s looks they all have to watch for the hook.
That is why I’ve come to realize that once mutual respect is established.
The REAL conversations can begin.
Once the real conversations begin then the solutions tend to come in.
Then as the women dissect it.
They realize they have ALL been disrespected.
Regardless of the category society tends to put them in.
It comes a time when certain things have to be put to an end.
May the EFFECTIVE LONG LASTING SOLUTIONS come forthâĶâĶ
Now.
Written and Conceived
And
Dipped In Love,
DaShâe
1313
AMHWJBO
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There are ongoing discussions happening about the younger generation today.
However, I think it is important to look at the other factors that may come into play.
Some of those factors are what people like to call âĶ
Back In The DayâĶ
On the flip side like Five On The Black Hand SideâĶ
There is also the discussion about how the young males of today don’t have respect for young women.
However, if we are totally honest.
For those of us who watched The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
The gentlemen archetype like Carlton was made fun of.
Yet, in regards to Will Smith’s character.
Will’s archetype was uplifted as far as his treatment of young women on the show.
Even Garcelle Beauvais (aka Fancy) spoke up in an episode and asked Will if that was what passed for a compliment around here.
Which also interestingly, plays into the next show.
The Jamie Foxx Show, in which Braxton was also made fun of for his gentlemanly qualities, the way he talked, as well as his dressing style.
So basically what I’m saying is that if the Carlton-Braxton types were made fun of and called corny among other things.
It is quite interesting how Generation Y is asking Generation ZâĶâĶ
Why?
It’s almost like Aaliyah’s 4-page letter is playing outâĶ
If the gentleman archetype toward melanated women is looked down upon while the disrespectful archetype towards melanated women is being lifted upâĶ
Can we really be surprised?
I do think that that is one of the reasons why it is so important to continue to bring forth the conversation inside the community as well as outside the community about the many diverse aspects of melanated men’s archetypes.
One of the reasons is that when a certain culture is “regulated” to only one archetype this creates a lot of baggage and confusion.
Which only further contributes to the foolishnessâĶ
Papa does not just have to be a Rolling Stone âĶ
Some archetypes do take their ass home.
Side note: I think that Uncle Phil was an amazing character who showcased this as well as was a wonderful example of a WISE older man who had sense.
I also felt like Uncle Phil’s character (in his own unique way ) was able to help guide Will and Carlton as they navigated through their adolescence as well as their early adulthood years.
Hopefully, there will continue to be an increase in how this archetype will come forth nowâĶ.publicly.
However, back to the initial subject at hand.
It is also quite interesting how in this reel of life Will Smith was kinda treated like Carlton outside of the show.
When it came to his hip-hop career he was accused of being pop.
Even though some of these same folks were low- key jamming to
SummertimeâĶ
Shoutout to Kool & The GangâĶ
There even seemed to be a double standard when it came to Will Smith’s movie career as far as the roles that he would take.
I also find it quite interesting how when a melanated man doesn’t do a whole lot of cussing, fussing, or disrespect towards melanated women and or talks in a certain way he is called gay.
Yet, the male archetype that disrespects rarely gets checkedâĶ
Until now.
But, back to the Fresh Prince.
Sometimes, it can be hard to make it all make sense.
I must admit, even the modern remake version of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air has taken a very serious tone.
I have to ask is this the result of what the younger generation was seeing at home?
The Other Side Of The Game
They say two things can be true at once.
With that being said.
Despite, my perspective on the archetype of Carlton and Braxton.
I must say that I still have an appreciation for old-school melanated 90’s sitcoms.
Those types of sitcoms had a unique ability to kinda showcase certain life lessons with a comedic twist.
Like the episode of Martin when he went on a quest as Brother Shaquille Sunflower.
He had to find himself before he could marry GinaâĶ
NAJIRUMBAAAâĶ..lol
But, once again .
Back to the Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air.
It seemed like Fresh Prince of Bel-Air was able to put two different archetypes of teenage melanated males from two different backgrounds in the same show.
In another aspect, I must say that The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air also had its own unique way of showing that not all “black” males think the same or grew up the same way.
Maybe this is one of the reasons some people see certain life situations differently.
I also noticed that even though Will and Carlton had their clashes.
As the seasons progressed, I saw how eventually they began to bond.
Despite their different backgrounds.
It was almost like a part 2 version of Nas’s Who Are YouâĶ
Eventually, it got to the point where they were able to use their different life experiences to help one another.
Even, when society tried to separate them.
They took that as an opportunity to stand up for one another.
Especially, through their college years.
Remember the episode when Carlton tried to pledge?
Interestingly, it seemed that whatever areas one was weak in, the other was strong.
It got to the point where they would help correct each other’s wrongs.
Yet, were still able to get along.
Maybe, one day that can play out into societyâĶ
It doesn’t always have to be like School DazeâĶ
We can learn from one another in different maybe even subtle ways.
You know, Life can be funny that way.
Written and Conceived
And
Dipped In Love,
DaShâe
1313
AMHWJBO
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Ms. C. Delores Tucker
Oprah Winfrey
Mo’Nique
Ms. Fannie Lou Hammer
Anita Hill
These are the particular women that are coming to mind at this timeâĶ..
To be honest any melanated woman who has a differing opinion has started to come to the forefront.
Especially, those who decide to be of a different political persuasion that lay throughout the nation.
With that being said a particular quote comes to mind:
“I consider myself a crayon
I might not be your favorite color
But one day you’ll need me to complete your picture”.-Lauryn Hill
So, as the world turns and life continues to life.
It’s quite interesting to observe certain types of strife.As I have gotten older.
I’m realizing that when it comes to certain archetypes of melanated women there is a difference in the way that they are treated.With that being said.
I am also realizing that it is important when it comes to certain “controversies” involving certain archetypes of melanated women.It is important to ask :
Is this particular woman REALLY an issue?
Or does this particular melanated woman just have a differing opinion?You know melanated women are allowed to have different opinions/options right?
Maybe that’s a rite within itself âĶ
AnywhooâĶ
I feel that it is important NOT to take on the issues of people who don’t like you.
As well as NOT to take on the issues of certain individuals who only like you when it is convenient for the causes that only benefit them.
I’ve also noticed that sometimes certain types of males will attempt to triangulate women and use certain women as shields against other women.
However, once the woman who was used as a shield decides to change her mind on certain subject matters.
That woman is no longer “praised” and now she is deemed as difficult aka having a different opinion.
So then, another set of questions must come in:
Is it that this particular woman is difficult?
Or is it that the individual calling her “difficult” is having a difficult time trying to control her?
At this pointâĶJanet Jackson’s “Control” song is popping up on my playlist.
I didn’t get it in the 80’sâĶ..
Just like I didn’t get the chair dance routine in her “Pleasure Principle” videoâĶ Due to using a dining room wooden chair.
I think I’m getting it nowâĶ
Just like I’m realizing why Janet used a metal folding chair instead of a wooden chair.
But throughout the bumps, bruises, and splinters you get back up.
What I find so fascinating about Janet Jackson’s career is how her song “Control” played out in “real/reel” lifeâĶ
I feel that Ms. Jackson (if you nasty)âĶ.
Had her own unique style of singing about navigating sexuality, especially as a melanated woman, and the different forms of exploration that it entails.
This did not stop in her 20’s.
This continues to play out as she goes through the different stages of womanhood.
One of those stages played out on the Super Bowl stage.
What was so crazy about the whole Janet Jackson Super Bowl performance was after a certain individual placed HIS HAND on HER BREAST and snatched off the cloth from once again HER BREAST.
He as well as the rest of society acted sooooo shocked that..
GASPâĶ.
A melanated glazed nipple was staring right back at his ass.
It was probably cold.
However, that is another subject matter for another day.
It is so amazing to me to see as long as melanated women are staying within the lines it’s okay.
However, when she decides to create her OWN lines.
She is told how she needs to compromise.
So I am learning that when certain melanated women are speaking out.
It is important to ask what is she TRULY talking about.
Sometimes, the women you think are against you are actually for youâĶ
Written and Conceived
And
Dipped In Love,
DaShâe
1313
AMHWJBO
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I know it’s been a long time…
Since I gave you a dope writing to vibe to…
Shout out to Aaliyah and Timbaland…
So let’s address some of these issues now so that they can stop coming up again.
Let’s discuss this “angry” black woman trope.
Which for some odd reason only seems to come up when it DOESN’T benefit “certain” types of people.
In my opinion anger is a normal emotion that I’m sure women EVERYWHERE of every different race and nationality has experienced before.
Somebody please cue in Lloyd -Girls Around The World…
So, let’s be real some issues that women deal with especially melanated women makes you wanna holla.
Shoutout to Marvin Gaye…
However, I’m going to try my best to stay on the subject matter today.
The “angry” black woman trope…
As I continue to shed the layers that really don’t belong to me.
It gets me into a Johnny Nash mode.
You know I am in the process of seeing clearly now that the rain is gone.
For, some reason when I’m driving in the rain and I turn my windshield wipers on that song comes on.
The song even pops up when I am going through the car wash and forget to put the car in neutral.
However, if I’m truly neutral, maybe the rain signifies……
The lieeeees !
The windshield wipers represent the wiping away of the lies and those who despise….
Yet still like Ms.Maya Angelou say We Rise !
Yes, that was paraphrased but flow with me..
We don’t have to be naughty to nature.
We can learn how to FEEL her FLOW…
I mean let’s be real…
She has been here a looooooong time.
We don’t have to take on other people’s property!
We can continue to build our own…
Because guess what?
Everything’s gonna be alright.
However, sometimes we have to look at the writings on the wall and see if they are going to do right.
At, this point in my life I think it is important to realize that if there are certain types of people who are filled with particular biases towards you what makes you think they will write good things about you?
So anywhoo… back to the main ingredient.
Melanated women, black women, we come in so many shades maybe that’s why some try to throw shade.
Even though melanated women are so diverse ….
Yeah some of us curse…
Some of us nurse….
But hey that’s the amazing things about the Universe…
If you are not mindful, you can get immersed and for some they might have to go head and take that hearse.
But back to my verse…
Of how amazing melanted women can be and still be diverse.
So with this illustrious di-verrrr-sit-tttt-yyyy.
I was having a conversation with someone about the Popeye’s lady and told them before I heard of Tabitha Brown.
I remembered the Popeye’s lady.
So for me when I see women like the Popeye’s lady (which I’m sure wasn’t written on her birth certificate) However, how else would we recall her?
Anywhoo…
So out of respect I found her name, and her name is Ms. Diedre Henry.
She matters.
So, when we bring up the names of Ms. Tabitha Brown and Ms. Henry I am pretty sure “angry” does not come to mind.
At all.
To be honest, I know plenty of women in my culture who are amazing with warm smiles who give great advice, recipes, some even have degrees.
I even have some reading my writings right now who are looking at the grammar but are willing to NOT MISS the message by looking for the grammar mistakes…
They know what’s at stake.
These melanated women can look at the bigger scheme of things because they know that there are those who will scheme with the best grammar to create error.
On purpose.
Unfortunately, there are certain individuals who are designed that way.
However, I am so grateful for the women in my community who aren’t that way and make a way for others in their actions and deeds as well as help those who are in need.
So, that is why when I hear certain individual’s who parrot the trope about “angry” black women.
I tend to have a Sho’nuff moment…
Not the Tela sho’ nuff…
I’m talking about the Last Dragon…. Sho’nuff…
You know the part when Leroy was eating popcorn with chopsticks.
In, the front row with a big ass hat on like it wasn’t anybody sitting behind him.
Hey when you know …
You know….
Since I’m on the subject shout out to the actor that played Leroy.
In, his own way he showcased that there are melanated men that are diverse as well.
However, let’s get back to the lies that they tell.
I find it quite interesting that even when melanated women show joy somehow or another they still get “placed” or lets just say certain people ATTEMPT to place melanated women who smile or show joy into another category.
The so-called mammy.
In this circumstance.
I’m learning that certain words that have a history of being used to hurt can also cause further harm.
Somebody please cue in the Al Green foot stomp…
How is it that women who bring joy, love and happiness and recipes mixed with soothing comforts to this thing we call society get treated in such a disrespectful manner?
I mean really what has women like Ms. Henry and Tabitha Brown done besides show love?
With that being said even when I listen to the stories of Ms. Pat and Tiffany Haddish and ALL THE things that they have dealt with especially in their childhood.
It is a part of me that is simply amazed at the fact that after all they have been through they turned their pain into power.
Not only are Ms. Pat and Tiffany amazing comedians but they are also amazing story tellers with life lessons attached to it.
These two women have an amazing way of utilizing their life experience to help and warn others especially Ms. Pat.
Ms. Pat took a bullet to her tiddy….
Lived to tell about it.
What’s sad is as you can see they STILL get talked about.
I’m talking about Ms. Pat and Tiffany.
Not Ms. Pat’s tiddy.
So tell me where is the hypocrisy?
( In my Oswald Bates voice)
So, it “befuddles” me …
Yes, that’s a word…lol
That when a melanated woman shows a thing called emotions..
Be it anger…
Be it joy…
There still seems to be a problem…
At this point I don’t think it’s Houston.
So my question to you is…..
What’s the REAL problem?
Written and Conceived
And
Dipped In Love,
DaSh’e
1313
AMHWJBO
-
There is an saying:
We Live.
We Learn.
We Grow.
With that being said I’m learning that sometimes this even involves certain shows.
When I look back at old school t.v. interviewers like Arsenio Hall or Tavis Smiley.
I couldn’t help but notice their interview styles.
It was like they were familiar with the melanated culture in an
BALANCED WAY….
It’s like the vibe was just DIFFRENT.
It was more relaxed.
Almost like a conversation between two people and you the audience member just happened to be there.
I remember growing up watching Tavis Smiley when he was on late night B.E.T. and I would always laugh at the way he say “folk”.
The way Tavis Smiley say “folk” that man gotta be from Mississippi or somewhere around that area…
Lol.
But anywhoo..
That’s that familiarity factor that I am writing about.
That familiarity that is not forced.
It’s not on that Dennis The Menace type issh…
It just is.
Even with Oprah, I”ve always admired her interview skills.
The way she would take her shoes off in the middle of the show on some
Ms. Patti LaBelle “Feel Like Another One”, type issh..
It was like the audience was sitting in Oprah’s living room watching her having a keke session.
Especially when it was a sista on the show.
In the words of the rapper Cassidy “It Don’t Get No Betta”.
Lol.
Now, with that being said ONE OF MANY admirable things about melanated people is melanated people are not afraid to call out their own people now of course there are aspects that need to be balanced out.
However…
Context people..
Let’s try that…
Together ð
In my Major Payne voice :
I don’t want us as a society to have a failure to communicate.
I would love for us as a society to continue to develop a family environment one of trust and understanding.
I’d like FOR SOME OF YOU (within context)
To think of me not only as a writer but as your friend….
Lol..
Now back to the subject at hand.
Melanated people not being afraid to call out each other.
Yes, Oprah was “Never Scared” to ask certain types of questions when it pertained to certain aspects of “black” culture.
Even when it wasn’t popular.
On, a side note it was quite interesting how even when Oprah didn’t say popular things the treatment of Oprah and melanated women who said the “popular” things were still treated the same …
The disrespect was NOT sold separately.
It was actually included.
But, hey… (in my Jaheim voice)
That’s a conversation for another day.
How You Doing?
Even if I don’t know what your name is …
Melanated women are still fabulous…
Now regarding Oprah and women who get treated like her no matter what “field” they are in….
One thing you can say about Oprah and women like her is that they truly are equal opportunity.
Anybody can get their oratorical hands.
That is more than I can say for certain types of individuals who got all the “smoke” for “black” culture but not for they own culture..
Sometimes, it brings the Mystikal out of you.
Some of these “outlets” be on some “That’s The Rapper” isssh…
That’s just the edited version.
However, I must admit I specially appreciate those who step up and say…
Here I Go…
We ain’t doing that not on this show…
Some of these platforms that attempt to ask questions don’t need to jump.
But mooooooove…
They say if you can’t do it right don’t do it at all….
This can apply to seasoning food and many other aspects of life…
Especially for those who misconstrue on purpose.
They also got another saying:
“Everybody asking you questions ain’t entitled to answers.”
With, the pattern of how some of these platforms moving…
It seems like the form behind them don’t have good intent.
Just because someone offer you money doesn’t mean it is a good fit.
That’s why it’s good to always check the intent.
Now, I gotta be honest.
I also have a special type of appreciation for old school interviewers and talk show hosts.
Y’all remember back in the day fights would break out and the talk show hosts would STILL host?
Y’all remember when Geraldo Rivera nose got broken, and he STILL kept going?
I think at one point Geraldo was so cold he interviewed the napkin he used to keep his nose from bleeding.
Talk about dedication…
Richard Bey anyone?
See the thing about old school interviewers and talk show hosts is that they were in the thick of it.
Literally.
See, those was the days when they had the steel folding chairs so if you was getting yo ass beat you could use the chair for leverage.
Let me tell you something else that was amazing about Oprah.
She never got hit..
So that shows you how talented she was as well as her amazing peripheral vision!
I’ll even throw Jerry Springer in the mix and how he had this knack for starting shit and then disappear in the crowd like Homer Simpson does with bushes…
Sound familiar?
I think Jerry even came out with a movie…
Ringmaster…
I mean Jerry Springer literally used the crowd as a shield..
Literally…
Watch For The Hook…
So, with that being said I really think that with certain platforms there should be more of an observation of who is “guiding” the conversation.
Thank goodness for those who decide to look at certain platforms with a certain amount of hesitation.
Especially if the platform showcase a case in your face that they have no desire of relating unless it involves degrading.
Thank goodness for those who call out those who try to throw a hook.
Thank goodness for those who make you look.
Thank goodness for those who write rhymes in they playbook and ask the question:
Why so shook?
You didn’t mind as long as you took.
Now is the time for the true stories to be told.
Let it ALL UNFOLD.
Now.
DaSh’e
1313
AMHWJBO
-
As I have stated before sometimes trauma has layers, and sometimes we have to be intricate in how we deal with those layers.
Just like trauma has layers to it sometimes certain conversational topics have layers as well.
With that being said, sometimes it takes intricate ways to discuss certain conversational topics.
Especially, amongst certain cultures.
Just like roots vary, certain cultures vary.
Sometimes, getting to the root of how a culture heals will vary.
Sometimes, that also includes the way certain cultures heal amongst one another.
So let’s get to the root….
That is if we as a society are truly serious about the matter and actually want to get to the root of a matter.
One root at a time
I hope that this current series that I am writing will be a part of one of the many solutions to get to the root in order to uproot certain things…
In, the words of The Gap Band when the brotha spoke into the headset and said “okay”….
Fire drum sticks and all…
Lol…
After observing the beautiful Marsai Martin taking part in the Savage X Fenty Show.
I find it quite interesting how this is not the first time we as a society have projected our issues onto Marsai Martin.
There have been multiple situations in which Marsai Martin showed more maturity and grace than the grown adults that were projecting their own inner issues onto her.
Unfortunately, there are too many young melanated girls who have had to deal with how to process grown adults inner childhood wound projections before they can process the world.
I also find it interesting the dynamics that come into play with the movie “Little” vs the dynamics at play with the movie “Freaky Friday”.
Those two movies for me showcased how young melanted girls are treated even in movie portrayals.
If you look over your shoulder honey… (shout out to MJ)….
You even see the double standard in real life..
Maybe this is what they meant when they said art imitates life…
But anywhoo..
Back to the subject at hand…
The double standard in real life.
Regarding Marsai Martin, I have seen nothing but amazing and inspirational projects and business ventures coming from this young lady.
Yet she is still being criticized.
Despite, the spite this young lady is still out, and about living and giving other young people in her age group inspiration and showing them they can pursue their creative dreams.
No matter their age.
It is also quite interesting how, even when Marsai Martin was playing the character Diane she spoke on the type of comments she receieved regarding her hair.
Sooooooooooo, at some point we in society have to ask ourselves certain questions.
Even if it is layer by layer..
1st layer: Why is it that when young melanated girls are being children and not focusing on “looks” they get critiqued?
2nd layer: Why is it that when young melanated girls get older and begin to explore their looks and highlight their beautiful features, they get critiqued even more?
At, some point WE AS ADULTS have to dive deeper pull back another layer and ask ourselves:
How much of Marsai Martin walking in the Savage X Fenty show is showcasing back to us about our own childhood trauma and the things that we were taught about how young melanated girls are SUPPOSED to be.
Marsai is an example of MANY young melanated girls showing us that even when young melanated girls do the things that they are “supposed” to do…
Certain parts of society are predisposed to continue to move this imaginary bar further to see if and how far melanated girls (sometimes women) will jump.
Melanated women and young girls are not Kriss Kross and even though we can double dutch with the best of them.
As well as continuing “Rising To The Top”, like Keni Burke and high jumping over the bars like Ms. Alice Coachman.
Just like all things.
Certain things must come to a rest.
Now.
I’m so tempted to quote Bernie Mac when he played Uncle Vester and sat Kid down in House Party 3 and told him what to do with crazy glue.
However, I don’t think it would be appropriate for this article.
Hey, I’m still learning though…
Marvin Gaye said it best when he sang ” Oh, life is for learning.”
On another note, I hear people say the phrase if you see something say something.
I would hope this phrase/message would also include –
If you see someone getting bullied or harassed to say something as well.
This can deescalate a lot of situations.
Self-control is the real control…
Shout-out to Ms. Janet…
We don’t have to be nasty..
We can deescalate situations when we see someone getting bullied.
Not only in schools but also in workplaces and some of these political ads.
This also includes the scary Friday the 13th soundtrack background music that is played in EVERY political ad, even though society is well into November…
At some point somebody need to switch the background music up.
Like Shannon said…
Let The Music Play…
Come to think of it…
Let’s include some of these city council meetings.
I mean who needs Netflix? Lol.
Some of these city council meetings are so good if they post a local food truck outside it would be lit!
Sounds like a win-win…
Supporting local businesses while talking business.
Like, on some Teena Marie Square Biz while using Squarespace business practices…
Like legit..
2 legit 2 quit (shout-out to MC Hammer) because
Hey leadership and change starts at the top…..
Right?
But anywhoo…
I feel we as a society (those that legit care) should continue to work on authentic safe spaces for young melanted girls.
I think it has even gotten to where certain types of males shouldn’t even be allowed to address our young melanated girls until they have addressed or at least willfully working on their own issues with the adult women in their own lives first.
I see that there are too many males who are addressing women issues yet not dealing with their own issues first.
How can you be one of the causes of women issues yet trying to give women advice of the effect on their own issues that you are a part of?
It’ll never work.
I’ll tell you another thing that will never work.
Certain type of males trying to give advice to women about the care of their wombs..
If I see one mo “kundalini” male with a big ass super soaker pad up by his ear like it’s a cell phone trying to tell women about they periods we might just have to have a Bernie Mac situation.
The issh is getting ridiculous…
WTF?
If you are having a hard time being productive of helping a woman how can you give advice to a woman on how to deal with her reproductive?
I know I veered off a little, but I had to get that off my chest…
Certain things just have to be spoke on..
Layer by layer…
Such as where are these dudes even getting these super soaker pads from?
Oooh chile…
Let’s hope things get a little easier…
They say community is a group of individuals that have a shared imagined reality…
Maybe the reason certain individuals can’t be a part of the “community” is because with certain individuals they think it’s okay to project and mistreat young melanated girls without consequences and repercussions.
In, certain people’s lives and or life that will NEVVVA be a reality so there will definitely not be any sharing of a reality of causing harm to young melanated girls so they better get the taste out they mouth.
Now.
I’m also learning that in life there might really be something to this quote:
“Some people think they are in community, but they are only in proximity.”
-Author Unknown
I’m also learning that true community requires openness and commitment to truth and sometimes it will take having those hard conversations NOW so that we can avoid foolishness later.
With that, needing to be said.
I think that we as melanated women need to make sure that if there is a situation that needs to be addressed with a young melanated lady we need to ALSO MAKE SURE that we are not “parroting” certain types of talking points from certain types of species of males who have yet to authentically as well as willingly address their underlying issues with women first.
On another note..
Regarding some of OUR award shows…
I notice that there are more awards that are being given out to our melanated women and our young melanated girls.
That is definitely a wonderful thing to see…
However, I would love to see apology letters given out in OUR award shows.
The adultification as well as the bullying of young melanated girls started way before Marsai Martin ….
Anyone remember Rachel Jeantel?
Blue-Ivy?
Anyone remember the treatment of Venus and Serena Williams before and during their pre-teen years?
If it is anything that Venus and Serena Williams taught us (besides how to slay in tennis) is that eventually, those same young melanted girls grow up.
Some of us “adults” in the “black” community should follow suit and do the same.
Dipped In Love,
DaSh’e
1313
AMHWJBO
I WIIILLLL say though that as I get older, I see why people say certain things.
SISTA, WATCH FOR THE HOOK 
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