Your actions and words will eventually reflect whom you’re listening to.
-Author Unknown
“Who can you trust? Only time reveals.”
-Tupac
Things Of Quality Have No Fear Of Time
Sincerely,
-Truth
Smile.
-DaSh’e
1313
Category: Healing
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One of the many great things about “black” people is that they are not afraid to give other cultures their props.
“However, there does come a time when you have To give yourself your own pep rallies.
Even if the props are sold separately.”
-DaSh’e
Also, don’t forget that Amazon is also the name of A melanated warrior women’s tribe.
Greatness comes in many forms.
– C. V.
“Let us be reminded that before there is a final solution, there must be a first solution, a second one, even a third. The move toward a final solution is not a jump. It takes one step, then another, then another.”
– Ms. Toni Morrison
It’s Time.
The People.
Dipped In Love,
DaSh’e
1313AMHWJBO
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I believe that in light of Simone Biles recent headlines, it’s important to take advantage of this teachable moment.
With so many moving goalposts when it comes to the melanated woman in regards to skin tone, hair, hair texture, and dating among other things.
I feel it is important that melanated women do not internalize the stereotypes or narratives that disempower them.
I feel that in certain aspects, we must check to make sure that we are not holding ourselves to a higher standard but not the same higher respect.
I’ve noticed how certain narratives are put out concerning “black” women and marriage.
I’m also noticing how the goalposts are moved when other realities are shown that counter certain narratives concerning “black” women.
It also seems that there is a moving of the goalpost when it comes to “black” love.
Which sometimes comes across as if “black” love is not being authentically celebrated in certain aspects.
It seems that certain married melanated women are placed under a microscope.
A microscope that shows how some people think that marriage should be reserved for a certain “type” of woman.
Even when it comes to looks.
You know beauty is not owned.
Right?
Very good…in the words of Tabitha Brown…lol
However, we still have to address some of the things that we are shown.
It’s interesting how instead of these women being celebrated to show that there are a plethora of different types of melanated women with different personality types as well as different looks.
As well as the different types of men who appreciate the diversity of melanated women and all that it entails.
It seems to be a hook.
The hook is :
Black women have a hard time getting married.
Black women are having a hard time dating.
Black women are “single”…
Certain individuals act as if getting married, dating, or single is not universal…lol
Yet, we see different types of melanated women getting married, dating, and engaging in companionship every day.It seems as if the hook is also connected to trying to make a woman feel that her value is connected to whether she is married or not.
That would probably be another subject matter.
However, we must get to the root of the matter.
If we are totally honest.
How many times have we seen women like :
Tiny
Tameka Foster
Lateasha “Sweet Tea” LuncefordAnd now
Simone Biles
Being maligned and talked about in harmful ways instead of being celebrated for how they can counter the negative maze.
I think it is important with the latest situation with Simone Biles.
To ask if Simone Biles is low-key being “shamed” for a statement that HER HUSBAND DECIDED to make.
I am not sure what it is about melanated gymnasts and the negative narratives around their hair instead of their amazing athletic abilities.
So, for me due to seeing countless situations of how even with young melanated girls the goalposts are moved especially concerning their hair.
Example:
If a young melanated girl focuses on her hair she is being “fast” or too “grown”.
Yet, if she isn’t they ask why they not doing her hair at home.
So, yes it is really hard for me to not see the underlying element that is at play.
Especially when older women are commenting in a negative way.
This also entails discussing if some of the older women are participating in the unbalanced shaming of young melanated women.
I feel like the unbalanced shaming is one of the many contributing factors to the divide between young women and older women.
I believe it is crucial for young women with melanin who are receptive to guidance to have access to balanced advice.
Older women can be a valuable source of such guidance for our young melanated women.
Only the wise ones…
Only the wise ones…lol.
Now, back to the element of the moving goalposts.
It seems that now that Simone Biles (as well as many others) have countered the “single” black woman narrative.
Now there seems to be another goalpost.
Dissecting on how/why she “got” married.
It’s important to be aware of the different narratives and standards that are placed on us, especially as melanated women .
We need to make sure that we are not internalizing these harmful ideas and that we are not holding ourselves to unfair or unrealistic standards.
It’s also important to recognize when others are applying standards to us that they don’t even apply to themselves.
By being aware and proactive, we can empower ourselves and each other to break down these barriers and move forward with confidence and self-love.
Remember : A rose is still a rose.
We been worthy.
Dipped In Love,
Written and Conceived
DaSh’e
1313
AMHWJBO
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I just got through watching the latest episode of Love& Marriage: Huntsville.
I feel shows like Love & Marriage: Huntsville has a unique way of addressing or at least bringing the conversation forth in regards to certain dynamics that can come into play.
Especially down south.
I also think depending on where your mind is set is what you can get out of a TV set.
In a way, I can see how some shows might not be your reality…
However, some shows might be able to provide insight into someone else’s.
With that being said, I can admit I had some reservations about Tiffany’s character (on the show)…
Or I might just have an issue with her last name …lol.
Who knows?
However, with the latest episode (as of this writing) of Season 6 Of Love& Marriage: Huntsville.
I can say that Tiffany allowed me to see a different perspective.
I think that Tiffany had a very interesting way of showing how colorism doesn’t just affect chocolate women it also can have effects on lighter-skinned women as well as bi-racial women.
Even when it comes to dating.
Sometimes. you have certain types of males who just LOVE to taste all the different colors of the rainbow…
Just straight-up buffet style.
Sometimes, these types of guys will tell each color different things depending on the color he is talking to.
Sometimes, that particular color of the rainbow thinks that they are the ONLY color on the rainbow.
Depending on the circumstances, that particular color eventually finds out that this particular type of male has been tasting and READING ALL OF THE RAINBOWS….lol
Sometimes, when it comes to colorism it doesn’t just show up in dating.
It can rear its head in different aspects of society as well.
One of the many issues of colorism is not only does it divides women.
It seems like colorism can also cause a type of shock to certain types of bi-racial women and certain types of lighter-skinned women of a particular mindset.
Sometimes, when we as a society play the game of trying to place a certain type of woman over another with the intent to cause division.
Those same women that society attempted to put down, show that they will not allow anyone to dictate their provision.
That they will continue their mission.
For some, it causes shock waves.
Sidenote: I’ve also noticed the colorism dynamic on the show The Real Housewives Of Potomac.
However, that will be a separate writing piece.
Anywhoo…
Back to the colorism dynamic on Love & Marriage: Huntsville.
I think Tiffany had a unique way of showing that trying to use another woman of a different hue as a coping mechanism is not cool.
As Season 6 has progressed.
I think that Stormi was able to place a mirror in front of Tiffany.
To show Tiffany that she has to deal with her own internal issues first.
I also think Stormi was able to navigate her conversations with Tiffany in a way that made Tiffany realize that it was something within herself she needed to address instead of trying to scapegoat KeKe.
I also think that KeKe (in her own way) was able to set boundaries with Tiffany to make sure that Tiffany knew that it was not okay to use her as a scapegoat.
With this latest episode of LMH, I think that this episode was able to add another piece to the colorism conversation.
One of those pieces is how we as a society play a part in trying to gaslight bi-racial and lighter-skinned women as well.
By moving the goalpost.
You may ask what is the goalpost?
The goalpost is that if a woman looks a certain way or has a certain hair texture she will get treated better.
However, in certain realities regardless of a woman’s looks they all have to watch for the hook.
That is why I’ve come to realize that once mutual respect is established.
The REAL conversations can begin.
Once the real conversations begin then the solutions tend to come in.
Then as the women dissect it.
They realize they have ALL been disrespected.
Regardless of the category society tends to put them in.
It comes a time when certain things have to be put to an end.
May the EFFECTIVE LONG LASTING SOLUTIONS come forth……
Now.
Written and Conceived
And
Dipped In Love,
DaSh’e
1313
AMHWJBO
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Ms. C. Delores Tucker
Oprah Winfrey
Mo’Nique
Ms. Fannie Lou Hammer
Anita Hill
These are the particular women that are coming to mind at this time…..
To be honest any melanated woman who has a differing opinion has started to come to the forefront.
Especially, those who decide to be of a different political persuasion that lay throughout the nation.
With that being said a particular quote comes to mind:
“I consider myself a crayon
I might not be your favorite color
But one day you’ll need me to complete your picture”.-Lauryn Hill
So, as the world turns and life continues to life.
It’s quite interesting to observe certain types of strife.As I have gotten older.
I’m realizing that when it comes to certain archetypes of melanated women there is a difference in the way that they are treated.With that being said.
I am also realizing that it is important when it comes to certain “controversies” involving certain archetypes of melanated women.It is important to ask :
Is this particular woman REALLY an issue?
Or does this particular melanated woman just have a differing opinion?You know melanated women are allowed to have different opinions/options right?
Maybe that’s a rite within itself …
Anywhoo…
I feel that it is important NOT to take on the issues of people who don’t like you.
As well as NOT to take on the issues of certain individuals who only like you when it is convenient for the causes that only benefit them.
I’ve also noticed that sometimes certain types of males will attempt to triangulate women and use certain women as shields against other women.
However, once the woman who was used as a shield decides to change her mind on certain subject matters.
That woman is no longer “praised” and now she is deemed as difficult aka having a different opinion.
So then, another set of questions must come in:
Is it that this particular woman is difficult?
Or is it that the individual calling her “difficult” is having a difficult time trying to control her?
At this point…Janet Jackson’s “Control” song is popping up on my playlist.
I didn’t get it in the 80’s…..
Just like I didn’t get the chair dance routine in her “Pleasure Principle” video… Due to using a dining room wooden chair.
I think I’m getting it now…
Just like I’m realizing why Janet used a metal folding chair instead of a wooden chair.
But throughout the bumps, bruises, and splinters you get back up.
What I find so fascinating about Janet Jackson’s career is how her song “Control” played out in “real/reel” life…
I feel that Ms. Jackson (if you nasty)….
Had her own unique style of singing about navigating sexuality, especially as a melanated woman, and the different forms of exploration that it entails.
This did not stop in her 20’s.
This continues to play out as she goes through the different stages of womanhood.
One of those stages played out on the Super Bowl stage.
What was so crazy about the whole Janet Jackson Super Bowl performance was after a certain individual placed HIS HAND on HER BREAST and snatched off the cloth from once again HER BREAST.
He as well as the rest of society acted sooooo shocked that..
GASP….
A melanated glazed nipple was staring right back at his ass.
It was probably cold.
However, that is another subject matter for another day.
It is so amazing to me to see as long as melanated women are staying within the lines it’s okay.
However, when she decides to create her OWN lines.
She is told how she needs to compromise.
So I am learning that when certain melanated women are speaking out.
It is important to ask what is she TRULY talking about.
Sometimes, the women you think are against you are actually for you…
Written and Conceived
And
Dipped In Love,
DaSh’e
1313
AMHWJBO
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Sky’s The Limit and Childhood Bullying Pt.2
One of my most favorite Biggie videos is” Sky Is The Limit.”
I remember the first time I saw the video in my “formative” years how I was so fascinated at the creativity of the video.
Whoever came up with the video concept kudos.
Growing up, that song got me through a lot of hard times.
Now, as I have gotten older, the song still gets me through but I’m seeing the video from a different lens now.
I’m looking through the lens asking what if the concept of the video was Biggie talking about his inner child but just with a hip hop twist?
You know, that Flava In Ya Ear.
When Biggie spit the lyrics out:
“Uh, an n- never been as broke as me, I like that
When I was young, I had two pair of Lee’s, besides that
The pin stripes and the gray (uh-huh)
The one I wore on Mondays and Wednesdays (uh)
While n- flirt, I’m sewing tigers on my shirt
And alligators (uh)”It made me think about how there are children who have grown up being made fun of because of their clothing.
It made me think about how sometimes we as adults judge others as far as the way they dress or what we perceive as being “flashy”, instead of looking at it like Biggie did when he said, “he went from ashy to classy”.
To me Biggie was addressing childhood bullying from a clothing perspective. As we all know childhood bullying can come in many forms.
One of the interesting things about Biggies, “Sky’s The Limit” video was how instead of adults in the video there were little kid’s in the video kinda like fun size versions of adult candy.
However, as I look deeper, I wonder if it’s like that in real life.
Like I wonder if we as adults really are like the fun size kids in Biggie’s video.
Doing adult things just trying to make it through this life and “Get Money”.
What you say uh…
I say it’s something to think about.
Let’s dive a little deeper though.
Let’s have that separate conversation that needs to be had.
That conversation about child hood bullying in the black community.
I’ve noticed that if we continue to not have this separate conversation, it comes out in insidious ways.
I’ve seen the insidious ways it plays out such as
On platforms where you have males giving advice to women particularly Black women on what they should do.
However, these type of males are not even attempting to do the inner healing work within themselves first.
Then possibly giving advice to Black women except this time from a healed space.
I have seen it play out where you have males that are upset about decisions they have made in their youth and must pay child support or alimony and are upset at women yet will create cashapps and accept money from the same women they spew hatred towards. MESSAGE (In my Keenen Ivory Wayans voice)
I’ve seen it play out where sometimes because of certain church upbringings that teach black women they should listen to males just because they are males also plays a part in how some of these male platforms messages are maintained.
At least for now.
I’ve seen it play out where young black girls are made fun of by young black boys and either the young girls fight back or internalize the hurt and pain sometimes both.
I’ve seen how males of ill-intentioned platforms are like those young boys who make fun of the young girls and make them cry.
I see how the young girl in search of healing her inner child calls these type of platforms perhaps trying to heal the young girl that was hurt only to be hurt further until she realizes she has to go within.
The males on these ill-intentioned platforms can’t help… they hurting too.
If you really peer in, you realize they don’t have a clue you can always tell by the words they spew.
Unfortunately, this sets the stage.
They not feeling the Frankie, Beverly N Maze.
They even hate watching School Daze.
They can’t relate when Black people say hey, remember back in the day?
All they can remember is being called lame.
It can get to a point where if certain black people don’t feel welcome in their own community/ culture, they will seek out other community/cultures and used as a mouthpiece for other cultures who have ill-intentions.
It’s almost like the beginning stages of a trauma bond where the black person who doesn’t feel welcome in his/her own community feels separated and begins to develop friendships with certain types of Caucasians and they bond with each other out of both parties having a disdain for Black people.
Yes, even if a Black person is black in certain type of dynamics Caucasians will tell certain Black people they are “cool ” because they are not like the “other” Blacks.
In a way this gives the black person who has been hurt by their own community a kind of acceptance that they have been seeking.
Certain people play on that.
Eventually, this plays out in different scenarios work, church and in some spiritual communities.
That is why when individuals bring up race conversations in certain settings you have certain types of Black people that seem to take on the same talking points of certain Caucasians who want to hide behind the (in my Rick James voice) ” UNITY” banner.
Sometimes, when Black people jump behind these movements without addressing the core issue of how they were or are being treated in the Black community, they end up getting more traumatized by the “unity” community due to core issues not being addressed.
One of those core issues is childhood bullying.
However, I’m not going to just put trauma bonding on the “unity” community.
I’ve observed it played out on television as well.
One thing that I love about sitcoms is how sitcoms have an ability to tell a person’s story.
I know by now some people are tired of hearing about the Oscars however, as I have stated before it is a lot to unpack.
I know that with unpacking it can be daunting but at the end it’s worth it. Why? It makes room.
So let’s make room…but this time for healing.
If you have been reading my past posts, you know I spoke on compassion and applying that within ourselves as well as in the Black community.
So here goes…
Back in the day, I used to love watching the show “Everybody, Hates Chris”. Interesting title right?
However, what if that really was the case?
What if the character Chris really felt like that?
I remember watching the episodes with Chris and Malo and the dude that was always asking him for a dolla lol.
Side note: No, I haven’t forgotten about Joey, or Greg who always took off running when shit got real.. as you see in videos with Black teenagers and some of their Caucasian friends.
But anyway.. back to the separate conversation lol.
I remember watching “Everybody, Hates Chris” and I remember Keisha who was Chris’s childhood crush.
At this point I was wondering is it a possibility that the reason certain individuals in the black community “jokes” and certain platforms towards black people comes across as disdain is coming out of a place of hurt and pain because they never felt fully accepted by the Black community so they settle off of the financial gain off of Black pain?
I’ve also noticed this same type of behavior from Wendy Williams.
When I used to watch her show, I would notice how it seemed her disposition and interview style of questioning would change when she was interviewing Melanated women versus when she would interview White females.
I would hear her talk from time to time about her childhood and dealing with childhood obesity and I wonder if maybe she too was bullied as a child which might be one of the reasons why it comes across as if she has a disdain for the Black community.
I’m not saying I’m right, just offering a different perspective.
Since, we are talking about perspective I can see why certain people would wonder why I would reference Biggie after the rap lyrics he said about the amazingly talented group Xscape.
To that, I definitely can understand your point.
However, I am also learning that people go through different life experiences that can cause them to relate to different musical artists in different ways.
So maybe the sky isn’t the limit…..maybe just maybe it’s a mindset….
That is if your mind isn’t set.
Written and Conceived By:
DaSh’e
1313
SISTA, WATCH FOR THE HOOK 
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